Surrender to the Lord

turning the heart of your “king,” part 5 of 6

Jenny Speed shares the fifth in a series of six articles for wives whose husbands are unrepentant of moral failure.

[wpv-view name="series-block" slug=""]Esther was surrendered to God’s will and purposes, and she knew that she might have to give up her life to see them fulfilled. She was willing to give her all to obey the Lord and to walk in His ways. I believe this was the most important step Esther took. She said and meant, “If I perish, I perish” (Esther 4:16).

We as women have to come to this point of surrender. We have to be willing to “die” and give up our lives to the Lord, as Esther was willing to die for her family. Every woman’s point of “death” will be different.

For me death came in the area of sexual intimacy. Pornography affected my husband in a different way than it may have affected yours. Paul’s sin made him apathetic and unresponsive. He was constantly dealing with the guilt from his secret sin, and masturbation had made it hard for him to be able to please me in intimacy. For him it was easier to just not go there.

I became very bitter over the years, because I was the one who had to initiate any time we were together physically. Many occasions I experienced the stinging pain of rejection when Paul avoided my advances. This was the most painful part of our marriage. I talk to women every day who are experiencing the same thing. Because of pornography and lust, their husbands have shut down and are no longer sexually active within their marriage. I understand this pain of rejection and how deeply it can hurt.

This was my place of death. I had to come to the place where I said to the Lord and to Paul that if we were never intimate again, I would still continue to love and serve him. My choice to die in that area has brought about the greatest blessings in my life. God called me to die so that in His time He could bring resurrection power to that which was dead. God has restored that part of our marriage, and now we act like honeymooners all the time! It is wonderful!

Ask God, and He will show you where you need to die. Your area of surrender may be different from mine. One woman felt that she was to keep her mouth shut—that was her death. Another was to be sexually intimate with her husband when she hated it, another felt she was to stop interfering with her husband’s discipline of their children, and some women have to die by learning how to confront their husbands about their sin.

I spoke with a woman today who for 23 years has sat back and been quiet and never spoken up to her husband. This woman doesn’t like confrontation and will run from it and avoided it at all costs. As I talked to her, I explained that death for her is probably going to be facing her husband and confronting him over his sin.

As brothers and sisters in Christ we are called to reprove, rebuke, and expose sin in each other’s lives. (See II Timothy 4:2 and Hebrews 3:13.) Holding each other accountable is to be done without hypocrisy and in a spirit of genuine love, and this must come after prayer, fasting, and crying out to the Lord. It must come out of a spirit of love and concern for your family and not out of bitterness for how you have been mistreated.

Don’t say, “Well I can’t do it until I get my attitude right, so I guess I may never do it.” My dear friend, this doesn’t need to take days! Repent of your bitterness, ask God for grace to carry out the plan He is giving you, and move on. Don’t let the enemy of procrastination keep you from doing what you need to do. This really isn’t about you; it’s about your children. Keep reminding yourself of that.

Paul & Jenny Speed

Paul & Jenny Speed

Paul and Jenny Speed reside in North Carolina with their six children. They have shared the concepts of openness and brokenness with hundreds of families across the United States, and the power of their testimony has prompted many to seek God’s forgiveness and cleansing. To contact Paul and Jenny with questions or comments, visit their website at

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